Wassup Jose

I sent an email to the spammers host and blocked the domain’s IP address. No spam in more than 24 hours, hopefully the loser stays away. Did I mentioned that I HATE SPAM! Blog spam, email spam, whatever … I HATE IT!

1. Your houseplants are alive, and you can’t smoke any of them.
2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.
3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
5. You hear your favorite song in an elevator.
6. You watch the Weather Channel.
7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of “hook up” and “break
up.”
8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as “dressed up.”
10. You’re the one calling the police because those %&@# kids next
door won’t turn down the stereo.
11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
12. You don’t know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald’s leftovers.
15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
16. You take naps.
17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset,
rather than settle, your stomach.
19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not
condoms and pregnancy tests.
20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer “pretty good stuff.”
21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
22. “I just can’t drink the way I used to” replaces “I’m never going to drink that much again.”
23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
25. When you find out your friend is pregnant you congratulate them instead of asking “Oh S*$# what the hell happened?”
Bonus:
26: You read this entire list! looking desperately for one sign that doesn’t apply to you and can’t find one to save your sorry old butt.

In an apparent attempt to show just how cool they are, Microsoft has decided to create their own comic about IT super heroes called Heroes Happen Here.  Now you can read about such characters as Lord Firewall!  Somebody please slap Steve Balmer, get him some anti-perspirant, and put him back in his cage.http://www.microsoft.com/heroeshappenhere/cool-stuff/comic/default.mspx

Dublin Officer K.C. Jones gets busted for downloading porn using the city’s computers. Oh, it gets better. He is a D.A.R.E. teacher at a high school and visited High School Cheerleader and Kinky Catholic Schoolgirls among other sites, nice. No dumbass shortages here!

How I ended up reading South Carolina news, who knows? Anyway, I just read that former Lt. Governor Earle Morris is going to serve time in prison for securities fraud. This corrupt politician will be out in no time, but knowing that he was sentenced and will serve time is great news. I will sleep well tonight. Don’t bend over in the prison shower loser … oops, I forgot, he will stay in a luxury corrupt politician suite paid for by South Carolina residents.

South Carolina Representative Fletcher Smith is sponsoring legislation that will allow military service members under 21 years of age to purchase alcohol. Nice! Another stupid lawmaker wasting tax payer money sponsoring worthless legislation.

Let me take a wild guess, it must be an election year! This loser has convinced himself that this legislation will somehow convey his support of the service members to his constituents and earn him brownie points within the service community.

If you want to show your support for the troops, sponsor legislation that will benefit their lives and their families. Buying alcohol is not an option! Your resignation would be a great start you moron.

http://www.healthinspections.com/video.cfm?bWVkaWFJRD0yOA

A reporter goes to a mental institution to do a story. He’s
walking around when he sees a man swinging a baseball bat. He
walks up to him and asks,

“Buddy, What the heck are you doing?”.

The man replies, “I’m Babe Ruth. One more home run and I’m outta’
here.”

The reporter just nods and walks on. He sees another guy swinging
a golf club on the other side of the room. He walks over and
says, “Excuse me, but what the heck are you doing?”

The guy says, “I’m Tiger Woods. One more hole in one and I’m
outta’ here.”

The reporter just nods and walks away. Then he sees another guy
in the corner with a peanut on the end of his penis. He goes over
and asks the guy what he thinks he’s doing and the guy replies,

“I’m fucking nuts and I ain’t never getting outta’ here!”

This pirate walks into a bar with a big ship’s wheel down his pants. The bartender says, “Excuse me, sir, but do you know you have a ship’s wheel down the front of your pants?”
And the pirate says…
Aaargh, it’s driving me nuts!!

A husband and wife are traveling by car from Key West to Boston . After almost twenty-four hours on the road, they’re too tired to continue, and they decide to stop for a rest.
They stop at a nice hotel and take a room, but they only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road. When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for $350.

The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He tells the clerk although it’s a nice hotel, the rooms certainly aren’t worth $350.

When the clerk tells him $350 is the standard rate, the man insists on speaking to the Manager.

The Manager appears, listens to the man, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center that was available for the husband and wife to use.

“But we didn’t use them,” the man complains.

“Well, they are here, and you could have,” explains the Manager.

He goes on to explain they could have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. “The best entertainers from New York , Hollywood and Las Vegas perform here,” the Manager says.

“But we didn’t go to any of those shows, “complains the man again.

“Well, we have them, and you could have,” the Manager replies.

No matter what facility the Manager mentions, the man replies, “But we didn’t use it!”

The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the man gives up and agrees to pay. He writes a check and gives it to the Manager.

The Manager is surprised when he looks at the check. “But sir,” he says, this check is only made out for $50.”

“That’s correct,” says the man. “I charged you $300 for sleeping with my wife.” “But I didn’t!” exclaims the Manager.

“Well, too bad,” the man replies. “She was here and you could have.”